I am in a vortex of obligation.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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