Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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