So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
