Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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