I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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