I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
