i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
