I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we're making bets on your personal life
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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