Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
