have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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