She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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