wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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