She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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