you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
