yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Small penises have feelings too.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
