on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
