so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
