Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
