She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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