i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
