u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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