we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
