I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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