You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
