Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I need to sanitize my soul.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
