When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry about my life...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
