Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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