had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
