I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
