It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
