My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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