ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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