An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
