i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
