No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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