Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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