I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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