Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
