so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
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