to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
