whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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