I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
