I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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