their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
