May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
