all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
