I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
