We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
