Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
