3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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