mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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