You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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