my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
