So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
